Holding Space

Sitting in the Hard Stuff: Helping Our Children Honour All Their Emotions

As parents, we often focus on helping our children feel joy, excitement and confidence; and of course, these emotions matter deeply. But what about when our child feels sad, frustrated, worried or simply “not okay”? At Inspiring Play: Child & Family Play Therapy Sunshine Coast, I’ve supported many young children (and their families) to honour all feelings; especially the uncomfortable ones, and to understand that sitting with discomfort can be a powerful part of emotional growth.

When a child experiences anger, sadness, fear or disappointment, it can feel instinctive for us as parents to want to “fix it,” to move them out of discomfort as quickly as possible. But what if, instead, we paused and asked ourselves: What is this feeling inviting us to attend to?  Research reminds us that all emotions matter, they’re not signals to be silenced. For example, the organisation Emerging Minds notes that “for positive mental health, children need to learn to understand and express their emotions … including the uncomfortable ones” (Emerging Minds, 2023).

When we honour a child’s upset, we’re teaching them: Your feelings matter. And when we support them to stay with those feelings, rather than rescue them too quickly, we’re helping build resilience. One useful concept here is co-regulation: as parents we intentionally connect, validate and help our children regulate with us before they gradually learn to regulate on their own.

Here are five key take-away tips you might carry into your home or care setting this week:

1. Name it and validate it

   When your child is upset, invite them into the emotional experience: “I can see you’re feeling frustrated. That must feel really big right now.” Validation doesn’t mean approving the behaviour; it means recognising the feeling. This helps send the message: “It’s okay to feel this way, and you’re not alone in this.”

   
   

2. Stay curious rather than rushing to fix

   Resist the urge to immediately solve or distract. Instead, ask a gentle question: “What’s happening inside you right now?” or “What do you think your body is saying?” This approach helps them learn to sit with the emotion. Helping children lean into discomfort builds emotional regulation and coping skills.

   
   

3. Use play and metaphor as emotion bridges

   As a play therapist, I encourage children to use toys, drawings or movement to show their feelings. This supports younger children especially, since they may not yet have all the words. Through play, we can honour big feelings, give them space and help them process.

   
   

4. Model staying present with your own discomfort

   Children learn by what we do, not just what we say. When you are honest about your own emotions (in an age-appropriate way), you show your child that feelings are manageable. The concept of co-regulation emphasises that your steady presence truly matters.

   
   

5. Celebrate the learning in the discomfort

   Let your child know that being upset sometimes means they’re learning something about themselves, their world or others, that’s courageous. The idea of building a “muscle for discomfort” highlights how children strengthen resilience through these experiences.

   
   

In my work at Inspiring Play, I often see how transformation happens when children feel held in their emotional experience rather than rushed past it. When we allow the full range of feelings, including the hard ones, we give our children the tools to navigate life’s ups and downs with courage, connection and emotional literacy.

If you ever feel unsure how to support your child (or yourself) in these moments, please reach out. Together, we can explore how your child can feel seen, heard and held. You don’t have to walk this path alone.

Inspiring Play: Play Therapy Sunshine Coast, Queensland